FEAR

"Fear is such a weak emotion- that's why I despise it,

We scared of almost everything, afraid to even tell the truth
So scared of what you think of me, I’m scared of even telling you

Sometimes I’m like the only person I feel safe to tell it to

I’m locked inside a cell in me, I know that there’s a jail in you

Consider this your bailing out, so take a breath, inhale a few

My screams is finally getting free, my thoughts is finally yelling through..."

-Lupe Fiasco

      Isn't it funny how a single line from a song can set off an entire chain of thought and epiphany? Fear. It's something we all experience day in and day out. It may not be experienced in the form of life threatening circumstances. However, cannot the small instances where we let fear hold us back become equally smothering to our lives? To care what other people think too much, to underestimate your own ability in order to talk yourself out of taking a risk, to have a dream and watch it pass by because the courage to go after it leaves no guarantee of gaining anything but the promise that if you fail you could lose everything... in everyone's life fear has in some way dictated a decision. Maybe an extremely important one or a small one, but either way, we hide our fear behind masks because we fear even showing fear. We hate it... as we should, right? Throughout my 18 years of life, I've come upon more insincerity,insecurity, and regret  as a result of this emotion that any other.  

      But what if people stopping fearing fear itself? What if we realized that life is bigger than this crippling feeling, that God is bigger than this, that ultimately, it isn't fear holding us back... it's us. We are the ones who fail to believe in us or in something better than us overcoming it. We give the reigns over to fear at times and in those moments we become trapped.
    I for one, am done with letting this happening. Although I come off as confident, outgoing and assured, I too face at times face the tangling grip of fear. That's a large part of the reason why I'm even writing this blog - I find that when it comes to certain things, I am incredibly outspoken but when it comes to ME... I am hesitant to express or say or share what I really think, feel, or want. However, I refuse to hold up just another mask. 
Vulnerability is the hardest thing for humans to give themselves over to, yet is so liberating... so I'm letting go. 
   I for one will no longer let being different weigh me down. Living as a Christian in the largest Greek system in the West Coast is such a challenge. Not because it tempts me, but because I am constantly treated differently and sometimes feel so alone. Especially because I have been dating the same boy for 3 years. And am in love. Pure, honest love. Have you ever felt isolated before? Try that combination out on Greek Row. The other day in chapter I was recognized by some good luck I've had on my college midterms and in front of everyone brought up for the high scores I've received. Yet instead of being proud, I found myself putting my head down.
   Why? Fear. I already feel so different... why would I want to stand out any more? Well, I sincerely am done thinking that way. I'm sorry if my morals convict you. I'm sorry if I'm a prude because I choose to build relationships off of genuine experiences rather than the buzz of a substance. I'm sorry if my ambition comes off as intimidating or challenges you to live up to your own potential. But most of all, I'm sorry that I've been afraid of showing the fullness of my identity because of how others may perceive me. 
   Well world, you can pin a scarlet letter on me. Because fear has lost its hold on me.  Here's to  being fearless, of daring ourselves to do what we feel we can't and proving we can do what others think we can't... here's to erasing limits and accepting apprehension.. but fighting back with courage, genuine heart, and bold belief in yourself.
   Take that, fear.